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Buy ArterialSpray!

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Literature Text

ArterialSpray™ didn't want to kill all of those germs. It just wanted a nice, peaceable solution to the conflict. It wanted to spread democracy and simple capitalist ideals, which would free the germs from the unsubtle tyrants that ruled them.


But those germs left it no fucking choice.


Using it's super-murder-soaker technology and nanoscopic predator-strike drones, ArterialSpray™ is guaranteed to kill 99% of those terrorist germs. No germ is left un-murdered, except for the 1% with enough wealth to ensure ArterialSprays™ continued fossil-fuel investments. Trust ArterialSpray™ to completely eliminate any and all germs in a wide, arbitrary area- except those who understand its concept of bribery of course.


Huh, what did those germs do to us? ArterialSpray™ comes equipped with a built-in moral justification setting. If this is the first time you've sprayed an area in a while, just set the moral justification setting on and it's propaganda machine will do the rest.


What's that, most of those germs are civilians? Those germs were on the same surface as the other ones, therefore they must die. Collateral damage is STILL damage!

Oh, you think these black and white concepts of good and evil are backward and childish? Don't make ArterialSpray™ notify us of your communistic, seditionist beliefs. We know where you live.


Buy ArterialSpray™ and you'll only never have to worry about what the international community thinks of you again!
ArterialSpray™, the number one product out there for killing germs. Until China catches up, of course.
© 2012 - 2024 Crooked-Raven
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